Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
