All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I can tuck mytits in my pants
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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