Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
