Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
