do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
