Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
