Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
