so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
