when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
