3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we're making bets on your personal life
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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