can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
