??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
