Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Randomize
