what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
