Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
