i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
