So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
how drunk are you?
Several
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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