So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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