When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
