I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
