My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
