so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
