the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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