he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
