Well douche your snatch and let's go!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
