I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
