she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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