You're a womanizer and a bitch.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
