I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
