so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
