no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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