It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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