wanna go halves on a baby?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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