you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
