gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
