Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
