he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just cropdusted the office
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
