When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
