Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
