she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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