My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
God I need to hump something, right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
