that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
