I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
