I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
