you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
How's work?
Spinning.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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