Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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