I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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