He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
