My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
