question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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