omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
