Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My ATM looks so different sober.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize