I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
