In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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