she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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