The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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